Jesus Lover of my Soul

I've been home now for 2 or so weeks. Its been super hard for me to be here. I love my family but I feel like there is a huge part of me missing. This last week in being home I can't get this song out of my head. Its the only line in the song I can remember and I just keep saying it over and over... Jesus Lover of my soul... and tonight as I looked it up on youtube and am listening to the song... Its a simple song- only 2 parts repeated.

Jesus, Lover of my soul,
Jesus, I will never let you go
Youve taken me from the miry clay
You've set my feet upon the Rock, and now i know

I love you, I need you,
Though my world may fall, Ill never let you go
My Saviour, my closest friend,
I will worship you until the very end

I keep trying to figure out why I can't get this song out of my head. As I look at the lyrics I am realizing that I am not doing this. I took this huge faith walk in leaving Lost Canyon and deciding to go to CCM. It didn't work out in the timing I thought. So what- it doesn't mean that its not where god wants me. My leap of faith led me home for now and just because I didn't make it to CCM doesn't mean that my faith can stop or lessen. I need to keep seeking him out every day on everything and know that he's taken me here for a reason. And "though my world may fall, I'll never let you go". This may seem like its happening but really when I break it down and look at it I know that I know- God's got me and he'll never let me go. If he brings me to it he'll bring me through it. Just some thoughts. I won't lie. My time at home has been stretching and really hard but I know everything happens for a reason. God brought me here for a reason-now I just have to seek it out.

Everything is Changing- ahhh I'm moving in a week!!!

I was driving home from Flagstaff the other day and this song came on. JJ Heller has been the special music first and third session here at Young Life's Lost Canyon. As I was listening to the lyrics it hit me hard- wow this is what I'm going through right now. These are my thoughts- but I know CCM is where God wants me- so I have to come against this doubt going on in my head. If you get a chance you should check out her music. I wanted to share this with you because she is great!

Everything Is Changing
BY JJ AND DAVE HELLER
I’m trying to follow
I’m trying my best to do what you said
But what about tomorrow
Are you sure I’m not in over my head

Everything is changing all around me
Is this the ending of a dream
I thought I was doing what you wanted
It isn’t as easy as it seemed

I’m losing my vision
I’m fighting the doubting with all that I am
It’s been awhile since you last gave me something
To go on
Tell me it’s not the end

It seemed like I did everything right
Now I see that it’s all wrong
Do you want me to move on
Can you tell me where I belong

The motions

So its been far too long! I've been without computer for far too long. But I finally broke down and bought one. So there has been a lot going on in my life since my last update. About 7 months ago I moved to Northern Arizona-Williams to be exact. To work at a Young Life camp. I am working in the kitchen. Our summer season has just started. We are in week 2 of session 1. Its been crazy but so much fun! Our summer interns arrived about a month ago and they are tons of fun. In the kitchen we have a great group of interns and Summer staff.
Lately the thing that has been on my heart is living life with no regrets. There is a song by Matthew West called "The Motions" that kind of describes my process and how I feel.... I don't want to just go through the motions of life. I want to live every experience God blesses me with. I want to have passion and give everything. I don't want to just live life but experience it to the fullness God created it for.

Matthew West- The Motions

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something